Holiday Hot Spots That Make Your Skin Curl
How not to have a crappy summer holiday this year!
Summer 2024 looks like it's going to be a real cracker! With those last minute holiday bookings still available we take a look at the funkiest summer hot spots for your much needed escape from inflation, elections and pretty much everything else that's depressing right now.
Paris
It's the Olympics after all. But don't head down to the Seine too quickly. If the pollution doesn't get you, according to Netflix, there's a great white shark or two swishing around. The sharks really like the Olympians 'because they put up more of a race!'
If river pollution is what you're into consider a twin trip and add pretty much any UK water stream, as it seems they're all equally polluted. Celebrate with the water company bosses who are making a fortune doing it. At least while they can - here's looking at you Starmer.
California
If you like red-hot California, this is the best time of year for a deep dish tan. You'll be amazed what a little wildfire will do for warm red skin undertones and a light char on top. It's an epic LA vibe right now. Oh and just ignore the claim that it's climate culture misappropriation. Woke is so yesterday.
Greece
See above.
Australia
If you're more into active holidays - the barrier reef and some funky coloured coral diving was always recommended but you might be disappointed. Apparently it's moved to the West coast. So think north of Perth not Sydney. But, don't lose heart, you can always hit the East coast ski slopes instead. They have so much snow that they're thinking of donating a bunch to the Arctic as a friendly intervention to help with ice melt.
War Zones
If you're an American looking to get away from Kamala Harris and assert your 2nd amendment right to bear arms then the good news is there are a growing number of war zones that await you. They could frankly do with your tourist dollars while simultaneously boosting the numbers of their dwindling forces. Also, it's way better than any shooting range back home.
Indonesia
The new capital city of Nusantara in Indonesia is all the rage since the old capital, Jakarta started sinking. Nusantara is a stunning new mountain spot - but it leaves an interesting question around what happens to tourists booked in to visit the old capital when they discover it sank. Maybe go to Paris after all.
Football Sports Breaks
Don't bother going on pre-season sports holidays if you are a Manchester City fan as they’re crap at pre-season. The same goes for Chelsea supporters as they're always crap. The players take forever trying to figure out how their new manager wants them to play - and they always have a new manager.
Staying at home
The best option might be to stay at home. That way you help the planet by not jumping on the next plane, train or automobile. Also, you won't get eaten by a shark or hoodwinked into visiting a disappearing city. Or a city that charges you an absolute fortune to pay for it not to sink. Check Venice.
It's not surprising that some tourists prefer war zones. At least they know what they get - and if they don't get it, they can shoot their way out.
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