Pandemic Proof Your Business - Again!
The worlds first playbook for surviving the Omicron variant of Covid-19
Omicrom (how do they come up with these names?) has landed like a bat/pangolin out of hell. The meteor of death has shaken us out of our supposed post pandemic euphoria and brought us mentally right back to where we were a year ago. Alarmed, concerned and genuinely fed up with the whole thing.
And right before Christmas. Cheers!
It is almost 2 years since the World Health Organization (WHO) was informed of a cluster of cases of pneumonia of unknown cause detected in Wuhan, Hubei Province, China. And so Covid-19 was born.
We have been warned a number of times that we might, one day, face a new variant that could defy the amazing vaccines that have been developed to help AstraZeneca open a new research centre in Cambridge.
Moderna’s boss has been doing the rounds to tell us that the latest variant means we’ll have to buy a new version of his vaccine to stay alive. They have finally latched onto Apple’s secret of annual iPhone upgrades to keep its users splashing the cash.
Only Pfizer has remained silent because apparently their scientists are still a bit hung over from the Thanksgiving weekend.
Stock markets have tumbled and the price of oil has fallen back to the level where people can afford to start panic buying again.
Federal Reserve Chairman Jerome Powell believes that the Omicron variant of Covid-19 and a recent uptick in Coronavirus cases pose a threat to the U.S. economy and muddle an already-uncertain inflation outlook.
“The recent rise in COVID-19 cases and the emergence of the Omicron variant pose downside risks to employment and economic activity and increased uncertainty for inflation,” Powell said to lawmakers. “Greater concerns about the virus could reduce people’s willingness to work in person, which would slow progress in the labor market and intensify supply-chain disruptions.”
Which is treasury hocus-pocus for “Oh shit!”
Investors are dumping weak companies like a headless spike protein. CEO’s who have failed to adapt their business to the new pandemic norm could be sacked. Indeed, Jack Dorsey, co-founder and CEO of Twitter has just resigned because he can’t postpone his sabbatical to Africa any longer. Like all good entrepreneurs/artists he likes to dive straight into the eye of the storm.
So, for CEO’s who want to hang on to their jobs a little longer - here’s our playbook for surviving the Omicron variant:
Call Jack because he must know something the rest of us don’t
Buy stock in Moderna and Pfizer because mRNA vaccines could lead the race for yearly upgrades, er boosters - and they should prove a great hedge against your company’s inability to handle Covid. Push all your employees to get a booster so the stock keeps going up
Plead with your investors for one last chance to get with the programme and start cleaning the office with anti-bac Flash because apparently it works (you might want to buy their stock as well)
Recent research has shown that wearing face masks reduces infection by 54%. Given Omicron could be twice as infectious as Delta, you will at least be no more screwed than you were before if you hit the mask mandate button. So follow the numbers and ask nicely
Don’t expect any more government handouts because they spent all our money on their own (handouts). You might have to conserve cash - but at least that deals with the current recruitment problems
Buy everyone a company branded Puffa jacket and beanie hat so you can open the windows and move meetings outdoors. Also, investors are suckers for corporate gifts
Get employees back working remotely so you can avoid them more easily when you start slashing costs
If you haven’t already digitised your business then crack on with your retirement plan - everyone else has
Buy a virtual reality headset because that’s the closest your going to get to a holiday abroad this year!
None of us want to be back where we were with Covid. The likelihood is that until every country has double vaccinated at least 70% of their population, we will remain in a state of full Covid alert. This level of vaccine roll-out is not likely to happen until mid 2023. Perhaps we should all join Jack for an extended sabbatical.
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