Your Apocalyptic Summer Getaway Guide, Bon Voyage!
LettsCartoon: Sharks are heading north, wildfires are spreading south, and Crimea is technically available. LettsCartoon presents your essential survival guide to the holiday season from hell.
Summer is here. The sea is warm. The sky is orange. And your travel agent has stopped answering the phone. Fear not, LettsCartoon has assembled the only three holiday tips you’ll actually need this year. Enjoy.
🦈 Tip #1: The Human Shark Detector
Thanks to rising sea temperatures, great white sharks have helpfully relocated northward and are now enthusiastically patrolling beaches near you. The good news? Shark detection technology has advanced considerably.
Simply invite two or three recently redundant friends — after all, they’ve got nothing on — and send them into the surf ahead of you. If they emerge waving cheerfully, you’re golden. If they don’t emerge at all, well, the job market was brutal anyway. Either way, you’ll know.
🔥 Tip #2: The Wildfire Alibi
Nothing ruins a lads’ and gals’ all-night beach barbecue and rave quite like a wildfire investigation. The solution is breathtakingly simple: scan NASA’s satellite wildfire tracker, locate the nearest active blaze, and get there immediately.
You can’t be blamed for a fire that was already raging before you arrived with six kilos of charcoal, a sound system, and extremely relaxed friends. Technically, you’re practically a first responder.
⚡ Tip #3: Crimea — Unbeatable Value
Forget Mykonos. Forget the Algarve. Crimea is staggeringly affordable this summer with hotels, restaurants, beachfront villas, all going for a song. Yes, there are one or two minor logistical considerations.
Infrastructure remains, shall we say, experimental. Simply pack a portable generator, a robust VPN, and perhaps a white flag which is purely (almost) decorative. We give it 5 slightly wobbly stars. (And thank Vlad for reading The Letts Journal).
Happy holidays. Stay hydrated. And try to come back.
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