Your Ultimate Christmas Wishlist

Vaccine mandates, travel restrictions and boosters - truly a Christmas to remember!

Christmas is fast arriving. Time to see what lovely gifts there are about the tree. That is if you're not in the Murdoch's offices in New York. If you were there you'd just have the carcass of a 10 story tree that was lit on fire last night. Protesters, anarchists, homeless who knows? Probably just an errant Bannonite enjoying a giant funny ciggie.

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So, what’s survived the bonfire? On one side we have a stocking stuffed with mandates. Vaccine mandates, mask mandates, boosters being boosted, and a clamouring for vaccine passports.

‘warming’

New York's outgoing Mayor is insisting on the mandates. Even five year olds are in his sights - ordered to be double jabbed by the 22nd. He’s shouting Xmas orders to his outgoing staff like a deranged Santa at overworked elves. He's got two weeks left and an ego taller then the burnt Xmas tree.

The incoming mayor - a cherubic vegan is promising New Year’s resolution about them. So they’ll basically go the way of an Xmas gym subscription forgotten and unused by February.

Biden reluctantly passed his own mandates as he couldn’t convince the contrary Mary’s er republicans to double jab. Hapless Biden, he can’t get people to take a vaccine against death so how’s he gonna sell ‘Build Back Better’?

Luck favours the blond Boris who got away without needing them. Thanks to the universally idolised NHS.

But Trump's judges are making quick work of them anyway so no worries there. We'll soon be free to wander about boosterless, and maskless to our hearts content. Infecting, gasping for air etc. Merry Xmas.

But enough on the mandates stockings.

Under the tree to the side of those empty boxes (inflation you know) is a big blue box. Pull on the bow and out pops Boris’ veritable cornucopia of things he hopes we won’t notice and things so glaring that we will only speak of them. Passport confiscation as punishment for all those wealthy drug abusers, boarding school druggies, No. 10 staffers. Threaten them with no more trips to Ibiza or the South of France and you'll see how quick they stop buying cocaine in Gloucestershire????? Although not sure starting a contretemps with Ibiza is particularly productive. What the heck. Baiting Macron hasn’t hurt. Quite the contrary.

Another gift in the secret Santa bag... travel restrictions again... all those English self catering cottages and b and b's. Hotels and airlines less so. But hey there's no staff to run the hotels anyway. 

Meanwhile, California is giving their legal marijuana shops a tax break so they can compete with the pricing of the black market stuff. And more states are joining the marijuana legalisation band wagon. So more Xmas trees might be lit this year.  Parteeee!

The green box to the right of the blue. Yes that one. Oops we’re getting new anti protest bills because… Boris is no fool as much as he plays one on TV. He remembers Farage and Brexit protests, Blair and Iraq war protests and understands the power for setting the ‘get a grip’ agenda. No more of that thank you. Not while he's in charge.

Meanwhile in the ever less subtle States protests are celebrated. But if they get out of hand, or a bit too boisterous just shoot the protesters or run them over either way it kind of let’s the air out. Calms everyone down. That and a little Garcia green…

After the Yuletide the US is set to ban abortion again. After all per one of our new Justices women can just drop the newborns off at recently proliferating baby drop off centres. No questions asked. Easy peasy. Do they take temporary drop offs? You know just until they get through teething, or the terrible two's. 

Oh and Merry Xmas, students will soon be paying more for their loans. But really don't complain because you could be in America and having to actually pay off those loans.

A smattering of voter suppression on both sides of the pond and electoral reform and we're done. Ready to go to the Xmas party er business meeting. Remember masks, and social distancing… wink wink.

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